Finally, it's cool to be a Republican

When I was in college, Young Republican parties were dull (although they had expensive booze) and long on guys, short on girls. The Young Democrats had the good parties: interesting attitude-adjusting items to consume, live music, fascinating discussions, hot chix. Now, however, it's cool to be a Republican. To whit:

• Arnold Schwarzenegger is a skirt chaser


• Rush Limbaugh is a druggie (in recovery, of course - and he even talks about his feelings! )


• Bill Bennett is an unrepentant gambler


• Ollie North was a drug dealer


• Bush's drinking days are the stuff of legends


• The family-values crowd's leaders are now serial monogamists and occasional adulterers (Barr, Gingrich, Livingston. etc.)


• There are openly gay Republicans (the Log Cabin Republicans)

It took 35 years, but the GOP finally caught up with the Democrats.

The way I stayed in good graces with both sides was to measure my words carefully. Around the short-haired, stick-up-their-butts Republicans I pointed all the Democrats' shortcomings (no shortage of material there). When with the Democrats I took shots at THEIR adversaries (no challenge on that). Likewise, both the Libertarians and the left-wing radicals thought I was one of them.

Back then I considered those groups to be the political equivalent of heathens. Come to think of it....

I'd assume it's age-related

A man goes to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says, "Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf, because she never hears me the first time."

The doctor replies, "Go home and stand about 15 feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we'll get an idea about the severity of her hearing loss."

The man goes home and starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "What's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, stew!"

How to Liven Up a Funeral

Dead man's phone rings inside coffin

18 November 2003

ANTWERP – The family of a dead motorcyclist are pressing charges against bungling Antwerp undertakers after the man's mobile phone began ringing in his coffin as they sat beside it in a chapel of rest.

Marc Marchal, 32, was killed when his motorbike collided with a tractor near his home town of Rochefort. Mr. Marchal was so badly mutilated in the accident that undertakers advised his family that the coffin should remain closed as they said their last farewells.

The family gathered for a private remembrance service in the undertakers' premises the night before Mr. Marchal's funeral and were horrified when his mobile phone began ringing from within the coffin.

Some of the relatives were so shocked they ran into the street, while undertaker staff rushed to remove the cell phone from the dead man's clothing, the Gazet van Antwerpen reported.

The family are pressing charges against the undertakers firm for negligence in their preparation of Mr. Marchal's body for burial.

[Copyright Expatica News 2003]

OK, which rocket scientist thought up this one?

Microsoft's swiss cheese (disguised as an operating system), requires frequent updates and patches. Obtaining and installing those patches can be a real pain. They can require long download times and reboots. So it's little wonder that way too many people don't do the updates.

That's where I come in. People and businesses hire me (a consultant) to fix things that go wrong on their computers. Often those problems are because folks didn't install the updates.

There's no point in straightening out the mess without also plugging the holes. So I'd like to apply the patches. However, time is money. It runs up quite a tab if I sit there and watch the patches download. It's especially bad (for the client) if there are several computers in need of patching.

I'm not alone in being unhappy with this situation. Many MS customers have complained about this wasteful process.

Well, Microsoft listened. They made it possible to download large groups of patches and save them to disc. This means that I can obtain the patches once, save them, and use them on many computers. So far, so good (except the the selection/download process is truly clunky).

Here's where the genius part comes in. How do I move the downloaded collections of patches from my computer to dozens of other computers? Easy: save the updates to a CD, use the CD do to install the patches. Makes sense, right?

Here's the catch: there are special rules for filenames on a CD. Those rules for a CD require shorter filenames than do a hard disc (it's more complicated than that). So when I try to "burn" a CD to enable those files to become portable - the burning procedure generates error messages that warn that some of the files will not be useable, because of the above-mentioned filename issue. Guess what? The CDs fail when I try to use them.

It's not an impossible situation to correct - or even to prevent: USE SHORTER FILENAMES!!! But did MS consider that? Apparently not.

OK, which rocket scientist thought up this one?

It's one of those linear things

It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.
-- Lewis Carroll

How George spent his vacation

The Prez is in London, visiting the Queen of England, his mother, and Tony Blair. Trip details.

"Although it [Bush's speech] was held in the ornate Banqueting House in Whitehall, under ceilings painted by Rubens, the White House produced its own backdrops, including one behind Mr. Bush with the words 'United Kingdom' repeated over and over, as if to remind viewers at home that the president was on a world stage."

It seems that this administration wants to re-decorate everywhere it goes.

US hawk admits invasion was illegal

Influential Pentagon hawk Richard Perle conceded that the invasion of Iraq had been illegal.

"In a startling break with the official White House and Downing Street lines, Mr Perle told an audience in London: 'I think in this case international law stood in the way of doing the right thing.'

President George Bush has consistently argued that the war was legal either because of existing UN security council resolutions on Iraq - also the British government's publicly stated view - or as an act of self-defence permitted by international law.

But Mr Perle, a key member of the defence policy board, which advises the US defence secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, said that 'international law ... would have required us to leave Saddam Hussein alone', and this would have been morally unacceptable.

French intransigence, he added, meant there had been 'no practical mechanism consistent with the rules of the UN for dealing with Saddam Hussein'.

Mr Perle, who was speaking at an event organised by the Institute of Contemporary Arts at the Old Vic theatre in London, had argued loudly for the toppling of the Iraqi dictator since the end of the 1991 Gulf war. "

"Your Honor, it really was self-defense."
"Sir, you threw the first punch"
"Well, he might have had a weapon."
"Sir, he was unarmed."
"Well, he might have had a program to get a weapon."
"Sir, he tried to run away."
"Well, nobody liked him. Isn't it good that he's gone?"
"Sigh.... guilty of being a clueless, deceitful bully."

Another Thought for the Day

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

Thought for the day

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. I learned this watching Don Rumsfeld trying to to get unstuck from a tar baby.