Taking it up a notch or two
Two atoms, old friends, meet on the street.
"I think I've lost an electron!" says one.
"Are you sure?" replies the other.
"I'm positive!"
Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding:
"Do you know how fast you were going?" the police officer asks, incredulously.
"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"
A physicist, who has spent the evening out, is caught by his wife trying to sneak into his house early the next morning. Saying that he has something to confess, he tells of meeting a woman in a bar, drinking too much and winding up going home with her. "You bas#$%^," his wife screams, "you've been working late in the lab again!"
A lawyer, an accountant and a physicist are discussing, over a beer, whether life is better with a wife or with a girlfriend.
"A wife is better," declares the lawyer, "because of the family support and the help she'll be to your career."
"Nonsense," says the accountant. "A girlfriend is better: you can keep your independence and go out with your friends more."
They turn to the physicist, who says, "It's better to have both. That way, the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and meanwhile you can be down at the lab!"
[ I'm trying to come up with a computer-nerd punchline for that one. ]
Q: Why won't Heisenberg's operators live in the suburbs?
A: They don't commute.
Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a rat?
A: Pig rat sine theta.
So this neutron walks into a bar, orders a pint of lager and begins to open his wallet when the barman says, "For you, no charge!"
Bumper stickers:
"Flirt harder, I'm a physicist"
"Know a good quantum mechanic?"
"Don't drink and derive"
OK, one last physics bumper sticker:
"What's new?"
"E over h."
[ I don't get it, either. It has something to do with mixed finite element methods for elliptic problems. As humor, it's right up there with "getting Bohr'd" and "having fission chips"]
Jeez - you try to raise the level of the discourse, and look what happens.
