Well, this explains a lot

"There's nothing I am worse at than long-term planning. I have never run my life that way. I believe that serendipity or fate or divine intervention has led me to a series of wholly implausible steps in my life. And I've been open to those twists and turns because I didn't have a long-term plan."
-- Condleeza Rice

OK, I'll buy the implausible part. Who would have imagined that Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL)
could have possibly gone worse? So what's responsible for this? Was it serendipity or fate or divine intervention? The families of 455 Americans, 53 Britons, one Dane, 17 Italians, one Pole, one Spaniard, one Ukrainian, and uncounted Iraqis would like to know.

Too bad Congress doesn't have important things to do

I'm not making this up. I did edit the specific terms, in case there's already some law.....

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes. (Introduced in House)

HR 3687 IH
108th CONGRESS
1st Session
H. R. 3687
To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
December 8, 2003
Mr. OSE (for himself and Mr. SMITH of Texas) introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on the Judiciary
A BILL
To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, is amended--
(1) by inserting `(a)' before `Whoever'; and
(2) by adding at the end the following:

`(b) As used in this section, the term `profane', used with respect to language, includes the words `sh#t', `p*ss', `f&ck', `c%nt', `#ssh$le', and the phrases `c!ck s^cker', `m%ther f$cker', and `#ss h#le', compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).'.

I can't wait for the debate.
While we're at it, let's not forget:
1. The time when the campaigning Bush whispered to the campaigning Cheney (too loudly, and in front of microphones) that one of the reporters in the audience was a "first class [ expletive deleted ]. That expletive made the list in the bill noted above.
2. The taxpayer-financed, government-published Starr Report, the best-selling porn rag ever.

Look on the bright side, Joe

Joe Lieberman is miffed that Al Gore endorsed Howard Dean instead of Lieberman. Perhaps he hadn't considered that
1. An endorsement by Al Gore is not necessarily a good thing.
2. There aren't very many years when he gets TWO Passovers.

On a related note, the Supremes declined to overturn the soft-money ban of the new campaign finance reform laws. They prefer to not get involved in the democratic process in which people get to ELECT a President.

Methinks someone is confused

"Our nation is chosen by God and commissioned by history to be a model to the world." G.W. Bush

Is that so?

• Did God choose slavery, which persisted in this country long after it was outlawed elsewhere in the civilized world?
• Did God choose to nearly eradicate the Native Americans?
• Did God choose to incarcerate Japanese civilians during World War II?
• Where was God when blacks were being lynched and bigots planted bombs in southern churches, killing innocent little girls?
• Are these the models God wanted for the rest of the world?
• I didn't get the memo that divinely decreed that "turn the other cheek" is now replaced by "pre-emptive strike"
• When did God decide that "Blessed is he that considereth the poor" is passe and that Robin Hood should switch sides?

Unelectable?

Unelectable

A picture is worth a thousand words

Here are a thousand.

A photographer got lucky. The picture shows how easily truth can be distorted.

Dubya isn't that fat.

No, I don't view Dubya as a Nazi.

And several thousand more

As does this, which shows the "economic recovery" as seen without the Reality Distortion Field through which it is usually presented.

I guess I need new glasses. Will someone please show me the "recovery"

Not shown in the graph - this week's data:

Initial claims +13K to 378K in the week of Dec 6.

Continued claims +11K to 3.346 million in the week of Nov 29.

Also not shown: Unemployed PEOPLE who dropped off the chart because their unemployment insurance benefits expired.

Jefferson and Madison would be proud

Ditto for the notion that there is something wrong with people who criticize the direction our government is taking.

Flying under the gay-dar

From the Nu-Yawk Times:
"Three retired military officers, two generals and an admiral who have been among the most senior uniformed officers to criticize the "don't ask, don't tell" policy for homosexuals in the military, disclosed on Tuesday that they are gay."

"The three, Brig. Gen. Keith H. Kerr and Brig. Gen. Virgil A. Richard, both of the Army, and Rear Adm. Alan M. Steinman of the Coast Guard, said the policy had been ineffective and undermined the military's core values: truth, honor, dignity, respect and integrity."

So much for "don't ask, don't tell". They kept quiet, but at the expense of those core values.

Why give Dad a tie when you can give him cholera, or anthrax, or syphilis, or....

Ties whose patterns depict the molecular structure of popular diseases.

Gifts for the growing geek.

Is your teenage son straining to check out the gorgeous blonde in the neighboorhood? The one who leaves the blinds up when she's changing clothes? His perfect gift.

Do animal rights activists or creationists BUG you? Set 'em straight.

Give a bachelor a hint or two. I'd like the 2nd one for our pets to play with.

What teenager doesn't want posters of stars on the wall?

Oil Capital of the World

OLD: Houston, TX
NEW: Whichever "undisclosed location" Dick Cheney uses to hide

News in PHYSICS - New Element discovered

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element tentatively has been named "Corporatium". Corporatium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Corporatium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Corporatium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Corporatium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Corporatium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Corporatium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

You will know it when you see it...

Let's talk

Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane when the first guy turned to the second and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The second guy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, took off his glasses and said to the first guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the first guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said the second guy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the first guy. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said the second guy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh#t?"

Don't you HATE it when someone points out your hypocrisy?

"But I say to you that listen,
Love your enemies,
Do good to those who hate you,
Bless those who curse you,
Pray for those who abuse you."
-- Luke 6: 27-28

"Loathe (v): To dislike greatly; to abhor; to hate."
-- Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, 1996

"I loathe Kim Jong Il"
-- George W. Bush

"...that weekend my faith took on a new meaning. It was the beginning of a new walk where I would commit my heart to Jesus Christ."
-- George W. Bush in his book "A Charge to Keep"

[ This must be that cafeteria-style Christianity where you get to pick and choose ]

"History is cluttered with the wreckage of nations and individuals that pursued this self-defeating path of hate."
-- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"God bless the little children while they're still too young to hate."
-- Tom T. Hall

"All we are saying, is give peace a chance"
-- J. Lennon

Was the proofreader really dense, or does s/he have a sense of humor?

Best headline. Ever.

What color is Freon?

When a neo-con bleeds, what does it look like?

Biblical Wisdom

"Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words."
-- Woody Allen

Reading the tea leaves

You probably heard it here first. And perhaps last.

Don Rumsfeld will soon be working on the 2004 re-elect Bush campaign. Since he won't be able to handle both jobs, he'll give up the SOD job.... the one which he ( as the head guy ) has botched thoroughly. His replacement will NOT be Paul Wolfowitz, whose ineptitude is the reason why Rumsfeld looks really bad. Besides, the military people hate Chickenhawk Wolfowitz so much, we might have a military coup if P"CH"W became the boss. This is the Peter Principle in action.