So much for the "Land of the Free" part......

"Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."
—G.W. Bush, Milwaukee, WI Oct. 3, 2003

We have attacked (without provocation) several countries in the past few decades: North Vietnam, Grenada, Panama, Sudan, Iraq - to name a few. [ I did not list retaliatory military actions, including Afghanistan ]

We have developed more WMDs than any nation in world history.

Therefore, according to our President, we are not a free nation. In fact, since we lead the world in both categories, it would follow that the President considers us to be the least free nation.

Don't you hate it when that happens?

Happy Belated Festivus!

What the heck is Festivus?

Quick: who wrote "The Night Before Christmas"? I'll bet you're wrong!

The Writer's Almanac®, a daily program of poetry and history hosted by Garrison Keillor, discusses this in the 12/24/2003 edition.

We wish me a happy birthday, We wish me a happy birthday, We wish me a happy birthday, and a Murray Ex-Mass

That's right folks - this is the last shopping day before my birthday. You better hurry.

Famous folk I've allowed to share MY birthday:
1642 - Isaac Newton (physicist)
1761 - William Gregor (scientist who discovered titanium)
1821 - Clara Barton (philanthropist)
1899 - Humphrey Bogart (actor in the all-time best movie[s])
1907 - Cab Calloway (Band leader)
1918 - Anwar Sadat (leader of Egypt)
1924 - Rod Serling (writer)
1927 - Nellie Fox (Hall of Fame Baseball player)
1931 - Carlos Castaneda (Anthropologist and stoner)
1935 - Little Richard (Singer)
1937 - O'Kelly Isley (a brother who sings)
1945 - Gary Sandy (Actor in WKRP in Cincinnatti)
1946 - Jimmy Buffett (musician, head parrothead, and son of a son of a...)
1946 - Larry Csonka (Hall of Fame football player)
1948 - Barbara Mandrell (angel-voiced Country singer)
1949 - Sissy Spacek (actor)
1950 - Karl Rove (Machivellian black-belt - said to be Bush's Brain)
1954 - Annie Lennox (rock singer)
1954 - Steve Wariner (Country singer)
1960 - Rickey Henderson (Baseball player and notorious thief)
4 BC - Jesus of Nazareth (according to legend - the date and year are unclear)
and, Believe It Or Not:
1893 - Robert Ripley (Cartoonist)

2BBOC

The Perks Of Being A Geezer

 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
 3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
 7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
 8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
 9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Signs Of Menopause:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale's.

Signs Of Wear:
1. "OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
2. "OLD" IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
3. "OLD" IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

Whistle a Happy Tune

I threw a pebble in a brook
And watched the ripples run away
And they never made a sound
And the leaves that are green turned to brown
-- PS

A Good News, Bad News Story

The  Bad News: The pilot on your plane appears to be drunk.
The Good News: Devout Muslims don't drink.

In a perfect world....

YUCK!

That Was Then, This Is Now (More)

Then:
"I agree with the view, best articulated by Judge Robert Bork, that there is no basis in the Constitution for the privacy right which was announced as the foundational basis for the constitutional right to abortion."
-- Rush Limbaugh, The Way Things Ought To Be, p. 56

"Rush Limbaugh said on his radio program on June 27, 2003, 'There is no right to privacy specifically enumerated in the Constitution'."

Now:
"Limbaugh argued that he has a constitutional right to privacy over the records, and that the seizure of the records by the State Attorney's Office was making it difficult for him to obtain treatment from his doctors."


"It's not up to me to prove my innocence by giving up my right to privacy. I have to give up my right to privacy now in order for the state who is, in effect, just casting a line out there, hoping to net something. They've got to invade my privacy to do this."

When it comes to pointing out this guy's hypocrisy, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. I wonder what he's said in the past about plea bargaining?

Remember when it was easy?

Case in point: one didn't have to pretend to be smart

XMAS List

Dear Santa:
I've been a good boy this year. And I'm not really too picky, as the following list shows. For each category, I offer you choices: just choose one from either a. or b.

1. Spine
a. a new spine
b. a spine that is low-mileage and has been taken care of better than mine. Specifically, I need better disks for C-7 and T-5.

2. Headache relief
a. better analgesics
b. a kevlar eye patch to keep that knife from going through my eyeball and out my temple

3. Knee
a. an improved patellar tendon
b. something to remove the crud on the bottom of my kneecap

4. Serotonin and Norepinephrine
a. something to even these out a little better
b. a way to enjoy the roller-coaster

5. Patience
a. with right-wing whackos
b. with left-wing whackos (except my lovely bride - she's fine the way she is)

6. Quality time
a. with myself
b. with the voices inside my head

7. Peace on Earth
a. Peace on Earth
b. Peace on Earth

8. Good Will Toward Men
a. and women and children
b. and children and women

Thank you, Santa.
PS: there will be cookies and milk waiting for you. I'm sorry that they are low-carbohydrate, low-fat cookies and non-fat soy milk. What's a guy to do?

Sorry, Honey, But I Can't Afford All 12 Days This Year

I'm Confused

I thought that America was safer now that Saddam Hussein is in custody. Everyone in the administration, from the President on down, and every right-wing flack, has insisted that we're better off now. Even some of the Democrat stooges are jumping on the bandwagon.

So a week after Saddam slithers out of his hole, the terror alert level gets raised a notch.

Is it possible that Saddam Hussein has (and had) absolutely nothing to do with terrorists who have the USA in their sights?

Is it possible that the White House & its apologists are either incompetent or are still lying?

As for competence, did anyone notice that when Tom Ridge announced raising the level from Bert to Ernie, he said that the attacks on the WTC, the Pentagon, and the "fields of Pennsylvania" occurred "almost 2 years ago"?

By my count, the attacks on the WTC, the Pentagon, and a third airplane occurred 2 years, 3 months, and 10 days ago. There was no attack on "fields of Pennsylvania."

Nit-picking? This guy is part of the gang that has twisted words and concepts to drag our nation into a pit. I think it's fair to demand that they speak clearly and precisely.

Let's Roll!

Kermit helps make the International Space Station run

Kermit, a computer communications protocol from the days of big iron, is solving computer compatibility problems out on the cutting edge of science.

Talk about a blast from the past! Gosh I miss my VMS systems... all the fun we had talking to UNIX and DOS.

Yes, Kermit was named after the friendly frog.

Everyone's favorite communications protocol

Everyone's favorite rock star

K with rocker buddies Rod, Ozzy, and Liz

What the heck is a "spider hole"?

A spider hole is a camouflaged fox hole. The term alludes to the camouflaged hole constructed by the trapdoor spider. Imagine a tiny one-man foxhole with a disguised lid on it.

The term dates back to at least World War II, when Japanese soldiers used spider holes to set up ambushes. The Viet Cong also used spider holes when fighting off French and US (and Allied) forces.

William Safire said recently on TV that the term refers to the Vietnamese improvement of placing a "clay pot large enough to hold a crouching man" in the hole. If the pot broke, the man was exposed to attack from snakes or spiders, hence the name "spider hole".

Safire's explanation is weak: the Viet Cong were quite accustomed to using tunnels, catacombs, and spider holes; poisonous critters went with the territory. Besides, the term turns up in WWII literature - sans clay pot. Also - think about it - how would you keep a spider out of an underground pot? I suspect that Safire wasn't there. It's not as if Safire isn't wrong more than he realizes. That happens when one keeps his head up one's, um, lower alimentary canal.

Why would the term apply to Saddam Hussein's hideout? The bunker in which he was caught had a small opening with camouflaged lid. No doubt that brought back memories for Viet Nam vets - or soldiers who had been trained by Viet Nam vets - in Iraq.

Now you know.

Next question?