Paperless?

Bill Gates speaks of a paperless future.

This raises some questions.

For instance, what would it take for me to go paperless?

A really good, portable bidet, that's what.

Judging by the phatty he's bogarting, I don't think that Mr. Gates is ready to go paperless.

The More Things Change, The More They Remain The Same

Rick Santorum, on the 700 Club:

"[T]he consequence is very clear. Marriage loses its significance. People will stop getting married. Homosexuals will not get married; heterosexuals will stop getting married. And that to me is the real threat to the American family and to the culture generally."

Rep. Seaborn Roddenberry of Georgia, on introducing an anti-miscegenation amendment to the Constitution in 1911.

"Intermarriage between whites and blacks is repulsive and averse to every sentiment of pure American spirit. It is abhorrent and repugnant. It is subversive to social peace. It is destructive of moral supremacy, and ultimately this slavery to black beasts will bring this nation to a fatal conflict. "

Shamelessly lifted from Eschaton

Wait a minute: isn't "Santorum" Latin for "...place to make absurd statements" or "one who frequents such places"?

US Preparing for Military Draft in Spring 2005

This rumor just in. It is presented ONLY as a rumor. Since you're reading it on the Internet, caveat emptor. As always, our rumors come with a money-back guarantee.

US Preparing for Military Draft in Spring 2005
by Adam Stutz
Vancouver IndyMedia - Wednesday January 28, 2004 at 09:50 AM

The current agenda of the US federal government is to reinstate the military draft in order to staff up for a protracted war on "terrorism."

Pending legislation in the House and Senate (twin bills S 89 and HR163) would time the program so the draft could begin at early as Spring 2005 -- conveniently just after the 2004 presidential election!

We Don't Need A Constitutional Amendment To Save Marriage - We Need This

Marriage Saver

There Are Headlines, and There are Headlines......

Now THIS is a headline:

Some Buildings In Southern California Saved By Same Material Found In Baby Diapers

A building code problem?

All Work and No Play....

We wouldn't want you to be dull. Go play with yourself:

Classic Games

A Good Walk Wasted

No Penguins Were Harmed Making This Game

Click balls to start

What's The Big Deal?

Why shouldn't Gays and Lesbians have an equal right to lose half their stuff in a divorce? Granted, it's harder to sort out who gets the bigger half....

I think same-sex marriages have a very good chance of being more stable than mixed-sex marriages. For instance, they won't have those arguments about whether the toilet seat should be left up or down.

Important Warning

President Bush, apparently tired of the Democrats pounding on him, struck back Tuesday, characterizing likely opponent John Kerry as a waffler and saying that if the Democrats win the White House
- taxes will go up
- government will expand
- terrorists will be knocking on the front door.

[ He did not say whether or not a Democratic administration would go starting any unprovoked wars. Source ]

Pay heed, folks. Back when I was barely beyond being a grom, people warned me that if I voted for Goldwater
- taxes would go up
- government would expand
- the war in Viet Nam would escalate
- inflation would run wild
- there would be riots in the streets.
And they were right!

The Top 14 Super Powers Most Coveted by Dogs

14. Invisibath -- The power to disappear at the first sound of bath water
13. ViseHump -- The leg hump grip of steel
12. AquaField -- Immunity to bucket of cold water when copulating in driveway
11. Skeetvision -- The ability to shoot laser beams from your eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky
10. SuperBladder, loaded with Toxi-Urine -- One lift of the leg and this town is mine!
 9. SquirrelFreeze
 8. AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery -- Two powers which when combined allow one to smell another dog's butt without actually having to get up and move around
 7. John-O-Matic -- Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by sheer force of will
 6. ChuckSpeed -- Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train
 5. AntiPsych-Out -- Immunity to all that "fake throw" nonsense
 4. VacuCalm -- Utter self control whenever the vacuum cleaner is turned on
 3. GucciTract -- An invincible digestive system that sustains itself entirely on designer shoes
 2. King Fido's Touch -- Everything you touch turns into crap
and Top5's Number 1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs...
 1. DoberMorph -- Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper
The Top 5 List

Campaign Slogans, Part II

"America! It's not just for heterosexuals any more...Okay. Actually it is..."

"If you're reading this, 9/11 wasn't so bad now, was it?"

"Don't Switch Horsemen Mid-Apocalypse"

Since When Is Flipping Burgers a Manufacturing Job?

Just days after Bush reneged on his pledge to create 2.6 million jobs and said with a straight face that "5.6% unemployment is a good national number," the New York Times uncovered a White House report showing that the president is considering re-classifying low-paid fast food jobs as "manufacturing jobs" as a way to hide the massive manufacturing job losses that have occurred during his term.

Full Report

We've established that Bush has failed to keep his promise to "restore dignity to the White House". Could he at least show a bit of shame, humility, or contrition?

Serial Killer? Or Computer Expert?

Are you a good judge of character? Try this.

By looking only at a picture of a person, you have to decide if he is a program language inventor or a serial killer.

Go with your gut feeling...

Play Detective

Anonymous

Nader Enters Race, Democrats Worried

I have no idea why Democrats should worry about Ralph Nader's presidential bid. All they have to do is wait until Nader's campaign is doing well.... and then have Al Gore endorse him.

Gift of Life

Organ donations save an estimated 68 lives a day. Unfortunately, there are many people who die because they didn't receive a suitable vital organ in time. Do your part by downloading an organ donation card.

After you fill it out, be sure to inform your friends and family.

Bill O'Reilly's Wet Dreams

"If I were gay, I would marry Hillary."
-- Bill O'Reilly

O'Leilly is jealous because Hillary is more butch than he is - and more fem than he, too? Or is he just confessing a fantasy? Or is he admitting that he's a closet dyke?

At least we know that he favors equal rights under the law, without regard to gender or sexual preference. Congrats, Bill, and welcome aboard.