Argus Hamilton Is On A Roll

John Kerry began a television ad campaign Monday to tell the American people his life history. All the commercials begin with him saying the same thing. His name is John Kerry and he will approve this message as soon as he comes up with one.
__ Argus hamilton

John Kerry Is Such A Boobie

Homeland Security

Wear the T-shirt, Buy the Album

I’d go anywhere to fight for oil, to lubricate the red, white and blue!

CHORUS:
Oh I’d go anywhere to fight for oil, be it olive, safflower or crude,
For cooking, for cars, take a rocket to the stars,
For a back rub, romantic rendezvous,
In your engine, on your face, or almost any place,
A little dab of oil will get you through,
Oh I’d go anywhere to fight for oil, to lubricate the red, white and blue!

If you drive a big V-8, it’s time to celebrate. They’re gonna fight a war for you,
To keep gas prices cheap so when you drive or when you sleep,
You can do it in an air-conditioned room,
For driving is your right, so let’s get out there and fight
You can read it in the constituuuuuu . . . tion

Oh I’d go anywhere to fight for oil, to lubricate the red, white and blue!

CHORUS

For a place to attack, why not attack Iraq?
They’ve got coconut and palm oil and crude,
They invaded Kuwait, so let’s not hesitate,
We can blow up a country or two.
If it’s oil or it’s grease, we don’t have time for peace,
Waging war is what we want to do

Oh I’d go anywhere to fight for oil, to lubricate the red, white and blue!

CHORUS, followed by ending . . .

. . . it’s gonna be a great fight,
Should only take a fortnight
To lubricate the red, white and blue!!!

Listen To The Song

Buy The Album, Wear the T-Shirt

Dana Lyons: Guitar and Lead Vocal

Copyright 1996 Lyons Brothers Music (BMI)
PO Box 2627, Bellingham, WA 98227 USA

All Rights Reserved
www.danalyons.com

Mission From God

President Bush addressed the American Conservative Union convention Thursday in Washington and declared that freedom is God's gift to everybody. Many people get uncomfortable when he hints he's on a Mission from God. They have seen The Blues Brothers and they know it only takes two hours to destroy a city the size of Chicago.
-- Argus Hamilton

Jake: First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint.
Elwood: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.
The Blues Brothers (1980)

Matt Murphy: But babes, this is Jake and Elwood. The Blues Brothers.
Mrs. Murphy: The Blues Brothers? Shiiit. They still owe you money, fool. You're livin' with me now. You ain't goin' back out on the road and playin' them old two-bit sleazy dives, and y'ain't gonna go slidin' around witcho ol' white hoodlum friends.
Jake: Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if we told you that what we're asking Matthew to do is a holy thing?
Elwood: We're on a mission from God.
Mrs. Murphy: Don't you blaspheme in here. Don't you blaspheme in here. This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are gonna turn around and walk right out of here - without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and withOUT Matt 'Guitar' Murphy.
The Blues Brothers (1980)

With friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?

Jordan said on Sunday a prison cell still awaited Washington's former Iraq favourite Ahmad Chalabi in the Arab kingdom where he was convicted in his absence of embezzling millions in a bank scandal.

But wait! There's more!

When you buy this convicted con man for hundreds of millions of dollars, you don't just get bad "intelligence." Order now and you'll get your very own war! And cheering throngs of newly-liberated Iraqis throwing flowers at our conquering heros!

But that's not all! You'll get tens of thousands of locals willing to line up to be the, um, butt, of frat-party pranks.

You'll be able to take back all those WMDs you gave the evil dictator. And all that oil! It's worth billions and billions and billions. Iraq will become a flower of democracy in the desert; soon the entire Middle East will banish terrorism and become just like us. Only swarthier, of course.

More


And more, much more

Irony Overload

The Pentagon scrambled Friday to keep secret the new photos of Iraqi prisoners being sodomized with bananas. Meanwhile the hillbilly private who held the leash said she's pregnant. Alan King just died trying to fit all this information into one joke.
-- Argus Hamilton